Hope
by Littlemissyter
Summary: Bella struggles with her feeling while her and Edward work on expanding their family.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: This story is something that is very close to me. I needed a form of release and this is it. Holding all these feelings in was not helping my mental state. I'm tired of feeling depressed all the time. this is my HOPE!

This is betaed by my girl, J suis B. Without her constant support, friendship and long distance hugs, I never would have had the courage to write this, but I would have gone insane over the last few months! Thanks B, from the bottom of my Pervy heart!

~*E&B*~

Disappointment. It seems that's all there is now. I've never wanted anything more than I want this. I thought when we decided to try, it would be easy. Stop using protection. Have sex. Really great baby making sex. Month after month, my period comes just late enough to get my hopes up. And when I see that tiny speck of blood or that single minus sign on that stick, my world crashes.

My hope for this is waning and I can't help feeling depressed. I'm sitting on the toilet holding another negative test. Why must Mother Nature keep messing with my head? Why can't I be like Rose? All Emmett has to do is look at her to get her pregnant?

And now I'm jealous of my best friend. Great! Note my sarcasm.  
I'm broken from my thoughts by the knock on the bathroom door. "Bells? Everything ok baby? You've been in there a while." I can hear the desperation in his voice. He wants this as much as I do.

I gather my strength and square my shoulders. With a sigh, I open the door. Face to face with the only other person that knows how I feel. Who wants this as much as I do.

My grip on the stick tightens as I hold it up for him to see. "Another false alarm. I'm not..." A sob breaks through "pregnant." Tears to match my own begin to fall down his handsome face. He pulls me close and strokes my back.

"I love you, baby, so much it hurts. We'll keep trying."  
I let his words sink in, they warm me. I can still hope.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: Hi again. I'm so shocked by the response to the first chapter of this story. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I tried to respond to all reviews, if I didn't respond to you, I'm sorry. ?

There won't be an update schedule on this story. As I said, it's personal for me. And I'll be writing when I need the release. hopefully you won't get bored. I can say from experience, that when you want something so badly, it takes over your mind. It's seriously all I think about most of the time. Anyway, thank you again for reading. This chapter explains a bit more into the life of Edward and Bella.

~*E&B*~

Watching my little boy blow bubbles. I can't believe how much he's grown. And that leads to a completely other frame of mind that I have been trying to avoid all day. How badly I want to experience the baby years again. I know people must think we're crazy. But when I remember the way Edward rocked him gently in our hospital room... I want that again.

We were so nervous when we brought EJ home. He was a surprise. A wonderful, amazing surprise. But we had no idea what we were doing. Neither one of us had ever been alone with a newborn. The nurses at the hospital helped us so much. But nothing could prepare us for the utter insanity of caring for a baby. I'll never forget the first time Edward got peed on. We had been home 5 minutes. And it all went downhill from there. The first 24 hours were spent calling his mother, my mother, anyone who might know what to do to make him stop crying. I just can't wait to experience it all again with a more level head.

When I found out about him, my first reaction was to be terrified. We had our lives planned. Get married, focus on our careers and then after that was all set, have a baby. That little test stick changed my life. I went from panicked to overwhelmingly excited in the blink of an eye. I didn't know I wanted him, until he was there. And Edward felt the same, he became a totally different person with the news. And we had never been happier then when we welcomed our little blessing, Edward James Cullen, into the world. It was early evening almost 4 months after our small wedding.

We knew we wanted more children and, as far as Edward was concerned, he would have kept me in a constant state of pregnant. But I had something to prove. I wanted to show the world that I could be a mother and a career woman. Our life was on hold. My career path wouldn't survive another pregnancy. I'd convinced myself of this. And 4 years later, many empty promises later, and a lot of stress on the job front, I'd finally had enough. Screw them! I'm no longer putting my life, my family's life, on hold. We want a baby. And I've never been more dedicated to a task.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is all citrusy. And since I'm allergic to lemons I hope I don't break out in hives. ;)

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving, my wonderful husband and I cooked together and I didn't kill him. Fights usually break out when you put two chefs in the kitchen. But alas, no death. He came close when he groped me while I had a 10 inch chefs knife in my hand. Just saying.

I want to thank my amazingly awesome beta (who I forgot last chapter... Sorry babe!) Je Suis B!

Now the authors note is longer ten the chapter. It's my first lemon. Please be gentle...

~*B&E*~

Waking up with my gorgeous husband kissing down my body is better than any alarm clock ever.

"Mmmm, What are you doing?" The answer is obvious, but I ask anyway.

"Mmm" a gentle kiss placed on my shoulder. "I've missed you this week." Another kiss placed above my breast. "You're so beautiful. I love you." I can feel his erection rubbing against me as he takes my nipple into his mouth. Sucking and nibbling just the way I like it.

He continues to kiss up and down my body. Leaving me full of his love.

"Please baby! I can't take it. I need you!" He's melting me into a puddle and I can't take much more before I combust.

"You have me babe, forever. Tell me what you want. Say it!" Another kiss placed just above where I want him most.

"Inside me. Please!"

His middle finger slides through my folds, his hot breath on my clit. He strokes me slowly, teasingly. He flicks his tongues against me and then licks from bottom to top. As he applies pressure to my clit, I feel myself climbing. His other hand moves up, thrusting two amazing fingers in to me. "Inside you like this?" He talks against me and the vibrations and tickle of his stubble do the trick and I'm done. He kisses me softly as I come down.

I feel his length against me. So hard and hot. "I love you." Both of us say it at the same time. He pushes into me

He moves within me slowly, with long deep thrusts. The climb is gradual and we fall together. It's not earth shattering but it's beautiful all the same. Quiet words of love and devotion shared. We cling to each other until he eventually pulls out with a groan. I know how he feels. Separating is always the worst part. I wish I could take him within me and never let him go.


End file.
